Thefirst time I visited a neuropsychiatrist was at the age of 8 and it only gotworse from there. By the time I decided to start trying psychedelics, I hadbeen diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline structure, Complex PTSD andmajor depression. I started psychedelic therapy about 3 and a half years ago,at the age of 49. I had been on 2 different antidepressants (at the same time,this was due to the fact that taking only 1 type didn’t work but with 2, atleast, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts), antipsychotics, sleeping medicationand numerous other medications for the 3 chronic illnesses that I had beendiagnosed with (chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and dysautonomia, a dysfunctionof the autonomic nervous system). I had several other health problems (clusterheadaches and migraines, feeling run down all the time, like I was about to getthe flu, and I was catching viruses left and right). My biggest issues were thetraumas I had experienced and I had attempted to commit suicide several timessince the age of 15 (the most recent, at the age of 40, I received CPR after myheart had stopped).
Itwas when I was recovering from a bacterial infection that kept me in hospitalfor 4 weeks, and a further 10 months in bed, that I decided that I could nolonger live like this and since therapy hadn’t worked (10 years with minimumimprovement) and medication was not working either, I needed something else. So,looking for answers online, I read about psychedelic therapy. With theexception of sharing a joint many, many years ago, I had never tried drugs, letalone psychedelics, and I was actually very scared of them; but I wasdesperate. I had already tried every kind of alternative therapy that I couldfind, including hypnosis, bodywork, breathwork, shamanic journeys, Chinesemedicine, Tibetan medicine, healers - things I didn’t even know existed...youname it and I tried it. So psychedelics were, in fact, my last resort and I amso very happy that I went for it!!!
Ihad informed my psychiatrist that I was going to start psychedelic therapysessions on my own (with the help of my husband, since I couldn’t find retreatsclose to home) and he told me to go for it. The first year was very intensive,I did several dozen psychedelic sessions and after about a year, mypsychiatrist said I no longer met the criteria for the mental illnesses I hadbeen diagnosed with. I have continued my sessions since - with everypsychedelic session you peel off a layer of your trauma(s), and since I hadmany childhood traumas, I wanted more than a couple of sessions. The sessionshave also helped me recover from my physical illnesses. I am about 80% recoveredand don’t take medication anymore. I have had many sessions where my body justshakes, and that can go on for a couple of hours. I have interpreted this as mybody releasing the trauma that is stored in its layers. Trauma is also storedat a cellular level, and I think shaking “shakes loose” the trauma, because theshaking is often accompanied by the release of heavy emotions.
Ihave found psychedelics to be so mysterious and just amazing...it’s like theyknow exactly what you need at that moment in time. My husband also usespsychedelic therapy to deal with some childhood issues and to help him with hisillness. He has multiple sclerosis and he had been a bit depressed when he wasdiagnosed almost 3 years ago, but psychedelic therapy helped him get over thedepressive feelings he was having. We don’t know exactly how much psychedelicshave contributed to his health improvement but he hasn’t had any relapse sincethen. One funny thing is that while he is “under the influence” he doesn’t haveany problems with his leg (he limps a little) and he also has more energy, sowhen he is coming down he usually goes for a walk that can last up to 3 hoursand he doesn’t limp, nor is he tired...it is really amazing to see. We have,therefore, developed such deep respect for this type of medicine. Plantmedicine, in particular, is our preferred type of psychedelic. We have also triedMDMA therapy sessions (on our own), but we have found that plants go deeper andfeel more natural to the body than MDMA. We have had our best sessions withpsilocybin!
Myhusband and I continue to do psychedelic therapy sessions. He does a sessionwhen he is dealing with some issues and needs guidance, and for me, I feel itwhen I need to do a bit of a clean-up, or when I feel there’s something thatneeds to come out. My husband’s last session was with a high dose of trufflesand he had such a wonderful experience. He also got exactly the answers heneeded. My last session was with 6 grams of mushrooms. I took such heavy dosebecause I wanted to see if there were still big issues lurking in the shadows,big things I hadn’t processed yet. It was very intense, with lots of crying andmy body shaking, but after a while it became this amazing shamanic orientedsession. It was so beautiful. I also gained a deeper connection to thepsilocybin. I've never felt this connected to everything and never beforerealized the deep wisdom in plants and animals, and nature in general. It istruly amazing what psychedelics can do for you, with you.
Itis only recently that my husband and I met Leti and Chi. If we would have metthem when we were about to embark on this amazing journey of self-healing, wewould have definitely gone to at least one retreat with them, especially in thebeginning of our journey. For somebody like me, with many traumas that neededprocessing, it would have been the best and safest environment to process someof the most overwhelming and painful emotions that I was carrying in me. Letiand Chi are very warm, empathetic and friendly...they are just lovely peopleand I have no doubt they are very competent space-holders and guides for thepeople who attend their retreats. I would love to attend one of their retreatsin the future, since I am sure they will help make the best of your communionwith the psilocybin!!