The taste of the truffle was slightly bitter in my mouth. It looked like a little alien baby, all warty and mottled brown and white. It almost seemed innocuous, yet you could tell there was power in this small object. I chewed methodically until I had finished and then lay down on the bed which had been arranged for me, slipped on my eye mask and waited for the journey to begin.
But how had I come to this point; to a beautiful house in a peaceful Dutch forest for my first truffles journey? Of course, you could say it began when I met Chi and Leti and the wonderful Truffles Therapy team. But perhaps it began before that, with the many years of meditation and curiosity about the mind and the soul. This was a good foundation with which to approach this new experience. I was open-minded and curious, having heard about the transformative power of psychedelics and read several of the scientific studies which have been confirming the healing
possibilities of psilocybin. When the time was ripe to delve deeper into my
consciousness, like an early world explorer, Truffles Therapy appeared to guide
me and hold my hand, metaphorically, throughout the experience.
On arriving at the retreat centre on a sunny day in April you already felt at home. The beds were made up with crisp, white linen and there was a roaring fireplace in the hall. We were served snacks and welcomed with open arms by the team, a sure relief to those who had flown from as far afield as the US. The other participants ranged in age and background,
but all had a sense of nervous anticipation. Some were experienced journeyers,
whilst for others, this would be their first foray into the world of psychedelics.
That evening, we shared a sumptuous dinner and began to get to know each other. Some retired to the wood-fired hot tub and others went to bed early to prepare for the adventure that awaited us the next day.
We began the morning with a silent walking meditation in the forest. The cacophony of birds and insects soothed the soul and, with spring on the horizon, we marvelled at the fresh buds which were preparing to emerge into the world as new life.
After breakfast, there was plenty of time to relax and talk to the Truffles team if you had any apprehension about the journey later that day. Leti also grounded us with a yin yoga sequence, to help steady any nerves about the evening’s activity.
We then donned our most comfortable clothes and gathered to begin the truffles ceremony. Some of the group had intentions or questions for the psilocybin, others, like me, just wanted to completely surrender and let it show us whatever it deemed right. With Chi’s help we decided our dosage, ranging from relatively low for the smaller, inexperienced participants, to very high for those who really wanted to enter another dimension. Truffles are not toxic, so I knew it wasn’t possible to overdose, but I decided to be relatively cautious with a dose around 15 grams, seeing as I was new to the effects.
We returned to our beds which were set up together in the main hall and under the watchful gaze of our guides, Chi, Leti and Polina, we consumed our truffles and lay down to let the journey begin.
After a few minutes I started to feel like I was floating through space and that my whole body was vibrating, yet I couldn’t move. Vivid patterns and shapes began to swirl in front of my closed eyes. A well-curated playlist of indigenous medicine songs, Indian kirtan and gentle melodic beats was playing in the background, which was amplified a thousand-fold by the psilocybin. I began to lose all concept of time and space.
I had no idea which way was up or down, or even that I was a person anymore –
the dissolution of the ego as I have heard it called. I touched my arm to check
I was still there. Every time I tried to have a logical thought it instantly
dissolved. It is almost impossible to remember everything that you see, and
everybody’s experience is unique. For me, I was seeing stunning sunsets and
ethereal light radiating from within. The swirling patterns at some points made
me feel nauseous but the dizziness would pass almost as quickly as it came on.
I had no idea whether I was awake or asleep but at points I looked up and saw
the team smiling at me and felt very reassured.
In this environment in which you are so vulnerable, feeling completely safe and supported by an experienced team is very important. If any of us needed to go to the toilet or to spend a few minutes outside, they would gently guide us. I felt anxious because I wasn’t in control, but I knew that it would end, so the most important thing was to completely surrender and let it take you on this journey, through a fantastic maze of shapes and colours.
I had written down a few thoughts beforehand but in brief moments of relative consciousness I would start laughing as it seemed hysterical that I had wanted to write down my thoughts in such a linear way to explain an experience which was boundless. It was somewhat confusing to a first-timer but also certainly enjoyable, for the most part.
“It was like being in a magic washing machine on a slow spin cycle, strapped to a rollercoaster going through space.”
I was rolling around on my bed because I had lost all perspective of space. At some points I had to reach out to put my hand on the floor to feel that the ground was still there, as I floated through a whirling mist in my mind. I had lost my eye mask and when I opened my eyes in the cocoon I had fashioned for myself out of the blanket I would stare at my arm and try to see it as an arm, but it would transform into a mountain range or sunset.
I had lost sense of time, but I knew time was passing because when I did chance to open my eyes I saw the daylight was fading through the windows. As the evening closed in the team had lit candles around the room and this enhanced the magical experience. Eventually, after around 6 hours, I felt my consciousness returning. When I looked at my arm it no longer transformed into something else, but remained an arm.
Like a new-born baby I emerged from the room feeling mentally and physically exhausted, however, at the same time oddly refreshed, like a weight of tension had been removed from my chest. There was a hearty bowl of soup waiting for us to satiate our appetites after the trip, made with the utmost care by our Brazilian master chefs, Lucas and William.
I went to bed and although I didn’t sleep too much, as I ran through the journey over and over in my mind, I awoke feeling reinvigorated with a renewed sense of optimism about life. There was no discernible ‘come down’, other than feeling a little tired.
The next day was reserved for reflection and sharing our journeys. The whole group felt extremely connected having shared such an intimate experience with each other. The sun was shining and we swam in the lake, relaxed in the hot tub and melted into another yin yoga session with Leti, outside in the glorious sunshine with the birds chirping and the wind rustling the trees. Chi led ‘vision-boarding’ sessions to help people comprehend and integrate their experience. Everyone seemed more relaxed, like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. It is definitely something which will take some time to process fully. Having read that a psilocybin journey can be one of the most profound experiences of a person’s life, I can now see why.
It has been a few days since the journey and I certainly still feel much calmer and more focussed. Only time will tell whether this will be a lasting impact but I’m sure to try truffles again in the future, as I’m curious about the benefits of microdosing, in particular. Truffles Therapy did absolutely everything to make sure we all had a wonderful trip and it certainly was a weekend to remember.
The experience is really indescribable, but I hope I have done my best to give you just a taste of what you might expect on a psilocybin trip. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with the Truffles Therapy team, who are extremely knowledgeable and are always happy to help.